Thursday, January 8, 2009

She smiled

Early yesterday morning I walked into a Starbucks for my daily consciousness-raising, looked around absent-mindedly, and there was an attractive woman sitting off to my right. She smiled at me.

I am not saying anything negative about her or positive about myself. She was probably just a friendly person. She probably smiled at everyone. But I did not like even that nano-second of undefined connection with a woman who is not my wife.

I immediately went into hyper-focus on that venti-Pike-with-room I came in to buy, plus the glazed donut. As soon as I was back in my truck, I called Jani and told her what happened and how uncomfortable that moment felt. One defense against my own sinfulness is my wife's awareness. Sweet lady that she is, she wondered if I was overreacting. But I'd rather err in that direction.

I want nothing between my wife and me. I want to go the distance with integrity. The Lord deserves that from me. Jani deserves it. My family deserves it. My church deserves it. My city deserves it. That woman deserves it.

"I will run in the way of your commandments" (Psalm 119:32). Lord, keep me running there, and there only, all the way home.